I haven’t written a blog since all the chaos began in March. I started writing quite a few in my head, and even started jotting things down once or twice, but none of them made it to here.
There was an overload of information out there, so much to read, so much to take in and consume. I didn’t think anything I could write could add to that in a positive way.
I could write here about my fear and anxiety from the year past, but I think we’ve all suffered these things together. So instead, I’m going to tell you about all the good that has come out of this year for me.
I am currently (touch wood) the fittest and healthiest I have been in many many years – Christmas overeating aside.
With my husband and the kids home for so many months earlier in the year, no school run to do, no events to attend, school plays to go see, not even a parents evening, I managed to find a routine that really worked to boost my health. Regluar walking, rest, pottering, true pacing. Something that as a parent is usually nigh on impossible to achieve.
I started working freelance last year for a local web designer – which I absolutely love – and this year added another wonderful client to my books. Between the two of them my workload for this year has drastically increased, but this too in it’s little bit here little bit there nature has perfectly fitted in with my pacing and walking and keeping the kids entertained (oh, I am so pleased they are now at a somewhat self sufficient age!).
I’m not beyond the illness, I still feel it daily. Really stopping at Christmas bought about a mini crash, and actually there have been many mini ones throughout the year. A few days extra tlc and they pass.
I was about to write “I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me”, but then I realised I don’t even look at it like that anymore. THIS is my life, I am living it, and this year all in all was a personal win. I enjoyed time with my family, I improved my fitness and increased the number of hours I am able to work and I even feel like I made a few good friends (I’ve struggled with friendships over the years so this is a really good win).
Every single crash no matter how small brings with it a wave of grief for a life we are not living. But the determination to keep going, to keep improving, to keep building, increases too.
If you are new to M.E. or Long Covid, or CFS, or Post Viral Fatigue, or whatever you want to call it, because really it amounts to the same, then let yourself grieve, there is life beyond diagnosis, it may not look like the life you had planned, but that doesn’t mean it has to be any less enjoyable.