I NEED you to know that I am NOT lazy. If you had ANY idea how much I LIKE exercise and miss that feeling of adrenaline coursing through my body as I play my favourite sport. The sheer enjoyment as I walk that extra mile along the beach or through the woods. The happy exhaustion after a good work out.
If you had ANY idea how much I miss being able to wake up and decide today is a good day to go out and DO things. Normal, everyday things. Run errands around town. Wander around the supermarket. Go for a swim in the sea. Teach my children my favourite sports. Go roller blading with them or bike riding!
I know I am “supremely unfit”. I am trying to improve my fitness. It is an extremely long slow process. Very much a 3 steps forward 2 steps back kind of deal. Only quite often I’m knocked back 5 steps, or sometimes more and the recovery from that can take even longer than the initial steps took!
I very much appreciate that unless you have lived with ME it is a difficult thing to understand. Even those close to the ones who are suffering can’t entirely apprehend what they are going through.
However if you have close family or friends who are suffering I implore you to have a little faith, try to understand and if you still don’t get it, then consider not saying anything because anything you say that comes across as “push through, try harder, you’re just lazy, I don’t believe you”, hurts. It really really hurts. Because every single day is a battle of balance. Every single day I want to do more, but can’t.
There is no joviality to be gained by teasing about my condition. Only pain, hurt, anger.